


Why the Enterprise Banned Christmas

by DataLore1



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Christmas fic, Data commits a massive faux pas, It's really quite awkward
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 09:10:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2845670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DataLore1/pseuds/DataLore1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's christmas eve, and everyone is looking forward to a chance to relax and unwind with a good old fashioned costume party. Everyone except Data that is.. somehow he missed the memo. No matter though! With the handy application of google images, anyone can come up with a last minute outfit that's just right for the job! Unless google images shows some pretty questionable ideas? Nah nobody ever posted anything embarrassing on the internet for gullible androids to copy. What's the worst that could happen? :D</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why the Enterprise Banned Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! This is the first of a two part fic that I hope will make somebody laugh, as I believe that christmas is all about being merry and maybe a bit tipsy heh. I'm fully aware that google probably doesn't exist in this time period, but it's a silly fic.. who gives a damn? 
> 
> Anyway please enjoy! I own nothing yada yada.. moving on swiftly, let's skip to the good bit. :P

Beverly gave him a clean bill of health as always. There weren't all that many organic components to his systems, and it was always more of a cursory once over to check that nothing needed replacing or topping up. There were certain fluids that could deplete themselves. Not that the ships doctor would ever disclose which fluids exactly. Doctor patient confidentiality and all that..

It did give them a rare chance to discuss the upcoming Christmas party however. The whole ship was buzzing non stop about the thing. Well there wasn't much of a chance to get out much when you were exploring space.

"So are you all set Data? Everyone I talk to is keeping very hush hush about their costumes, you'd think it was classified information! What are you going as?" Her eyes sparkled with an ever so slightly mischievous gleam, and Data recognised it as Beverly's 'gossip' face. 

"Costume doctor? Until this precise moment, I was unaware that I would be required to dress in any particular way. I assumed that this would be a casual event." Which meant of course that he'd been planning on wearing his uniform. Some people said that he even slept in the damn thing, seeing as few in living memory had ever seen him out of it.

Beverly gave an over dramatic gasp in response to the admission, and began flapping like a mother hen.. figuratively speaking. 

"But it's tonight! I can't believe nobody told you about this sooner.. it was the whole point of having a party. The captain was persuaded.. not going to mention by who.. to give the crew a chance to let their hair down a bit, and this seemed like the perfect way to get things rolling. Costume parties were really popular on Earth in the twenty first century. We thought it might spice things up a bit. But.. sorry you know all this already, I'm just babbling."

She ushered him off the bio-bed he'd been reclining against suddenly, with all the urgency of a woman going through evacuation simulations.

"Quick go and find a costume right now. I'll say your health exam took a little longer to cover for you, but hurry up."

Data was taken aback by Beverly's enthusiasm, and almost declined the offer she had made to cover for him on principle, but something in her eyes made him walk out and carry on walking until he reached his quarters on deck seven. She seemed to think this was far too important to wait. Perhaps humans placed great stock in costume parties, and to turn up unsuitably dressed was offensive in some manner. 

It was at times like these that Data realised just how far he had to go before he would truly understand humanity.

Rather than ponder the overall oddity that was the human race though, he marched over to his terminal, sat heavily in the chair, steepled his fingers beneath his chin, and waited. 

He waited for quite a long time.

Inspiration... where the hell was it?

What did people normally wear to Christmas parties anyway?

If he'd had the capacity to panic, he would have done then. His mind was completely, irrevocably blank.

He considered calling someone in to help with his endeavours, but remembered what Beverly had told him about classified information, and immediately reconsidered. Turning up without a costume might well be offensive, but revealing what said costume would look like prematurely seemed to carry a far heavier penalty.

There was only one source he could turn to for help now, and it was one he'd sworn never to rely upon after a rather embarrassing faux pas from his academy days.. a direct result of searching said source. Without the correct buffers of general knowledge that most humans possessed about the intricacies of humour and sarcasm, the net could be a dangerous place to traverse. Far more dangerous than most sectors of space the android had so far encountered.

How was he to know that a 'meme' wasn't to be taken literally?

He took a deep breath, tapped a few keys, and began his search for the perfect Christmas costume. Google images would look after him this time, he thought naively. If the humans in those images were wearing the costumes they modelled then surely they were appropriate... surely...

Perhaps he should have taken the first mild feeling of unease from his modesty subroutines as a fair warning. Maybe he would have then avoided the disaster that was soon to unravel.

Instead he sent one image to the replicator, and out came a perfect copy in his size. He held up the bit of material with no small amount of trepidation, but hey.. if this would get him into the fabled 'Christmas spirit' then he would wear it with pride. The crew would be delighted to see him finally partaking in some of their more archaic rituals.

Now all he had to do was wait until the end of his shift to see their reactions to his choice.


End file.
